There's a Fire in Her Eyes.

I fell asleep thinking of nothing at all.
I was exhausted from a busy day & all I really wanted was a good nights sleep.
Of course a full good nights sleep is impossible for me really, so I guess this was the best that I could do.

As I drift off I hear the voice of a young girl whispering into my ear.
I couldn't quite make out what she was saying but I know she had a pain in her voice.
She sounded as if she was wounded.
Maybe she needed help?
I fall heavy into sleep & start to dream.
I see this little girl standing in front of a house looking at it.
It's night time & the little girl was dressed for bed in a silky white night gown.
It was snowing outside, yet the girl had no shoes or slippers on.
Just her night gown.
She had no expresion.
Just big blue eyes. Her hair blew gently in front of her face.
She just stared. The wind did not frighten her.
The fact that he had to be negative degrees outside didn't make her shake.
She was still.
Emotionless.
I stood & watched.
Concerned for this little girl, I call out for her & ask why she was outside at this time at night.
At this moment I look down at my phone in my hand & see that it's 2:34am.
Not a time for such a young girl to be standing outside.
As I look up from my phone I see her looking back at me & then start walking towards the house.
Before she even gets up to the doorway the house abruptly bursts into flames.
The girl just stands there.
Oddly enough I do too.
I just watch the girl watch the burning house.
The house was had flames coming out of every window.
Faint screams were heard from the house, but neither of us bothered to do a thing about it.
I could see the reflection of the flames in the girl's eyes.
Her eyes were glossy & pale.
She had smoke stains on her night gown now.
& her hair was full of debris from the house.
She still just stood there. With no emotion.
Just numb to what was going on.
I heard a car drive up behind us a throw something out the window.
I looked down & there was a box on the sidewalk.
I walked up to it & picked it up.
Not sure if I should open it or if it was even for me; I hesitated, but slowly opened it.
Inside was a photo album.
On the cover was a picture of the house that was on fire.
Before I could even open it the little girl grabbed the photo album from my hands & threw it into the burning house.
The little girl looked back at me angry that I would even dare open it up.
I said sorry & she just walked away.
She walked into the burning house with out returning.
I stood & watched the house burn, knowing that she would never make it out.

I woke up confused.
I wasn't scared, or bothered by this dream, but confused.
What was in the photo album?
Maybe I over think these dreams?
Maybe I'm over stressed & all these dreams are my own crazy imagination?
I really don't know.
But one thing I'm certain about, is I would love to find out.
The reoccurring dreams, the vivid images, the countless times I physically felt affected by these dreams, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in what it all means.
Maybe one day I'll get answers to my questions...

Paralyzed.

I woke up & couldn't move my arms.
They were held down by something I couldn't see, or hear,
but only feel.
Before I could even panic, I opened my eyes & saw my empty room.
No one there; nothing holding me.
Maybe I was still numb from my dream.

I'm sitting in the back seat of a tan color, 93' Toyota.
I see my best friend sitting beside me soaking wet from this tremendous storm we were in the middle of.
I look down & see I'm soaked as well.
My faded jeans are back to a darker tone from the water.
There was absolutely no dry spot on either of us.
I look outside & see the town falling to pieces.
Buildings tumbling to the ground, & lightening destroying houses.
Everything in this scene was gray & dark.
The sky was full of heavy clouds pouring down on us.
The only time any kind of light would come into play was when the lightening would strike.
Water was everywhere under us.
We were on an over pass, & just so happened to be the only car driving.
I look at the driver & it's a complete stranger.
But in my dream I know her from work supposedly.
In the passenger side was the same thing.
Both of them wore heavy make up & looked worn out for their age.
The driver was in a state of panic & insisted that we kept driving.
The passenger would yell at her & explain that we needed to go "the" house.
Sam, my best friend was relaxed the whole time, & seemed to not have a care in the world.
I started my dream thrown into this situation & naturally I was a bit confused.
I can see myself starting to panic.
I had no clue what was going on, who these girls are, & why this city was being destroyed.
But I couldn't say a word.
Once again I've been paralyzed & left with absolutely nothing to say.
All I can feel is my heart beating harder & faster than normal & my body was freezing.
So as I sit & watch everything play out, the car starts speeding.
We're going faster than the speed limit I'm sure & dodging every broken down car with great ease.
We drive up to the end of the over pass & stop in front of a pair of old wooden stairs.
The stairs lead downward & the passenger is certain that this lead to "the" house.
At this time the driver now agrees that this is our best bet to get out of danger, so we follow.
We walk down these stairs & see blood spots on the walls dripping down to the floor.
The house is old & torn down.
Much of the damage was done by the storm, but it obviously needed work done before it hit.
Every step would make a sound.
The floors creaked & each stair felt unsteady.
The two women kept telling us to stay quiet so we wouldn't get caught.
It was very important that we stayed quiet in this house.
So as we were walking on the stairs I focused solely on making sure I stayed as quiet as possible.
As we were coming down the stairs we reached a place where the stairs changed direction & went upward.
So we follow the stairs up & immediately the driver woman tells us to respect the body & don't speak to her.
I'm confused as to what she's talking about; until I look up.
Then I see her.
A woman hanging from the ceiling.
Rain & blood were dripping down her dismantled face to her long black dress & onto the stairs we had to walk on.
I could see her eyes.
They were in pain.
Heartbroken.
Her dress was drenched in her own blood.
She swung with every cold wind that blew.
I couldn't get my gaze off of her.
No matter how bad I wanted to get out of the house, I was mesmerized by this body.
She was so beautiful, but so tortured.
The pain instantly hit me like I was feeling what she felt.
What could it have been?
Who did this?
I walk faster now; though I asked those questions in my mind, I was too scared to stick around to find out.
We get to a gap in the stairs that have been broken off so we slowly climb down into a dark room.
At this point the two women have left us behind.
The hurried off when they saw the body.
I could still hear them lightly yelling at us to hurry up, but we couldn't
Me & Sam were terrified.
At this point Sam admitted she had no clue what was going on.
The only thing we were certain of was we needed to get out & we needed to get out fast.
So we go down into this room that ended up being a bedroom.
The room was covered in clothes.
Men's clothing to be exact.
All dark dim colors. His pants were all black & his shirts were all blacks, grays & a dark burgundy.
Sam immediately hides in between some clothes & tells me to hide too.
But I'm eager to get the hell out.
So I start to walk towards a door, when I hear a voice.
A heavy voice.
A dead voice.
This man was speaking in a tone that I've never heard before.
It sent a cold chill down my spine.
I rush to get under a pile of clothes when the door opens.
I see a body dressed in a tailored dark suit.
His hand was old.
I can't see his face at all.
But I can hear his voice.
Nothing he said made sense.
I couldn't even make out what he would say.
But the one thing I did hear was enough for me to want to make a dash for the exit.
He looked out the window & tapped on the glass.
"She's coming back, dear, & she's going to find you."
I knew at that moment he knew we were there.
I knew we were caught.
I needed to scream for him to help us,
but once again I was paralyzed.

Subconsciously I knew I needed to wake up.
& I needed to wake up now!
I tried to open my eyes but all I could see was his clean cut shoes inching closer & closer to the pile of clothes I was under.
I panic.
I don't want to see what's coming next, I don't want to see what he looks like.
I don't want to know what she's going to do when she finds me; whoever the hell "she" is.
I don't want this dream to play out.
I talk to myself & scream to wake up.
I can hear my thoughts & I know I'm not dreaming anymore, but I'm still in that house.
I'm still under the clothes & he's still standing right over me.
I can't move my body, I can't open my eyes.
All I can do is scream at myself to do something. Anything. Just wake the fuck up!
I can feel my body & this hard pressure on top of me.
I still can't open my eyes, & I can't move at all.
I'm at the verge of really panicking till finally I open my eyes & look around.
I'm in my room.
Alone, with no one there holding me down.
A sense of relief comes over me; though every detail plays throughout my mind.
What does it mean?
Again I ask the same questions.
Will they ever be answered?

The Haunting Memories.

I'm being haunted.
Haunted by memories.
The nightmares seem to get worse & worse now.
In the past, the dreams have been a little more simple.
Not so complicated, with images & screams to try to make out.
I feel like I should be over everything with my brother,
but I guess the fact that I still feel like I'm being haunted by it all shows I'm not.
I can't say I go everyday without thinking about him & where he is & why he's there.
Or even how I wish I could made him a different person.
But all those thoughts usually don't affect my day at all. It's nothing really.
I mean yea, it's a thought, like "oh, I have to do laundry today."
Nothing more than that.
But at night, when I close my eyes, all I see are images.
Images of evil things. Evil doings. Evil people.
All surrounding him.
Last night was the worst.
My heart is still beating a little fast & any little noise is making me jump.
These night terrors become more real the more I have them.
Every image get's engraved into my brain so I see it every time I close my eyes.
Try to avoid blinking the whole day.
Physically this is wearing me out.
Not to mention the psychological damage that's been done.
I feel like I'm crazy, when I know I'm just trying to cope.

Last night went like this:

The lights are dim.
The sky is gray & a light snow is falling.
I'm standing in my parents kitchen looking into the dinning room.
I can hear my mom yelling at my dad in their bedroom & I could tell it was going to be a long night.
Then from the corner of my eye,
there he is.
Even the way he walks in my dreams disturbs me.
He moves slow like he's powerful & no matter how fast you run, he'll get you.
He glides in a way, but yet still walks like he's been hurt.
The way he moves is not human.
It's evil.
So he's in front of me now. & all I can do is stand there, because every time I see him, I freeze.
He has a grin on his face. His mouth is full of blood. His lips look as if he has been in a fight.
They're bruised & bloody & a bit swollen.
But yet he grins.
He has pride in the fact that he knows what he can do to me.
What he can do to this family.
His grin says a thousand words.
It tells me what he's thinking, without giving away exactly what he will do.
Everything is a mystery.
No one ever knows what he's thinking or what he'll do.
And that blood filled grin was enough to tell me that I should run.
It was the grin that made the hairs on my neck stand up.
It made the cold wind force itself against my spine.
So with every bit of energy I had I took a step back.
As he moved forward.
Then I saw his eyes.
They were a deep faded shade of blue.
His eyes were pale. They were sick. They were angry. They were dead.
He reminded me of a zombie.
He was obviously alive but everything about him, from his features to the air around him was dead.
His skin was decayed. His eyes were cold. His clothes had holes, as if he's been wearing them for years.
Now I can tie this in to my fascination with zombies, but I don't think this is what it was at all.
This dream was different. It was deeper than that.
So as I stand against the sink, with no place to run, he looks at me & grins & says, "I hate you."
Simple as that.
& at that very moment, my heart sinks, my eyes tear up, & I say back, "I don't care."
Knowing damn well, dream or not, those words meant everything to me.
So he grins harder, knowing that this is just the start of it all.
My mom comes into the kitchen & tells him to leave me alone.
To just leave the house.
He turns around & tells her to shut up.
As quick as he turns his head, my mom is quiet.
My dad holds my mom as she cries & hopes that I have enough courage to stop my brother myself.

I don't.

He walks away & tells us all that he won't be far.
"I'll always be close.
I'll always find you.
I'll never let you go."
As he says this he leaves into the back of the house.
I'm standing there, looking at my options to make a run for it.
To escape.
I know I have to get out of this house.
I have to run now if I want to make it out alive.
I head for the laundry room, hoping that the back door is unlocked & quiet so he won't hear.
My mom looks at me & whispers, "go."
I open the door, and tip toe out into the snow.
I have nothing, but a shirt, jeans, shoes & my phone in my hand.
I have my back against the wall trying to sneak past every window.
If I can just make it past the house I know I'm free.
Just as I get this thought in my head, I hear a noise coming from inside.
I quickly get down into a corner and hide under two windows.
Hoping he doesn't see me there.
I hold my phone & quickly try to text someone.
I find "My Baby" & try to send a message to him saying, "Help."
But just as I'm about to hit send, I look up & there he is.
His head is sticking out of the window.
The blood dripping out of his grin landing on to my shirt.
I scream.
I know this is it. I won't make it.
I try to run to the street.
I'm so close. Only a few more steps & I can get help.
I can see where the sun is coming in past the drive way.
I see a car pulling into my neighbors house.
I can go there. I reach my hand into the light.
I felt the warmth. The sense of hope.
& right when I saw myself making it out of this one, he grabs me.
I can feel his cold hand on my back. Pulling my shirt.
I'm back into the gray. Back into the cold.
Back into my last hour.
He looks at me & tells me,
"no matter how far,
no matter how long,
I will find you."
I can't hold it in anymore.
I yell, I scream, I kick.
"I hate you!" is all I could say.
He just laughs, because nothing you do, nothing you say, could ever affect someone who is already dead.
He takes me back into the house where I have to watch him beat my mom,
fight my dad, & kill our dogs.
I sit on the floor holding my mom as she cries & I wish I could do something. They want me to stop him.
I can't. I don't know how. I'm just as scared.
I'm terrified he's going to kill me.
But he never does. He never even hits me. It's everyone else around me that he hurts.
It's everyone that I love that he inflicts physical pain on to.
I'm left with the emotional scars.
Emotional damage.
As he walks away from leaving a bloody mess on the kitchen floor, he looks at me one last time & says "you're next."

I wake up.
My heart is beating faster than ever.
I'm sweating. I'm freezing.
I feel like throwing up.

What does this all mean?
Why do the dreams keep coming?
My life is going fine. He's far. He's no where near me.
Why am I so scared of him?
I thought I was okay. I thought things were fine now.

But memories never go away.

So I'm left here,
being haunted.
Haunted by my memories.